I need help removing her.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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