i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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