we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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