a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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