I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
