I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
