I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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