Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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