cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
