did you get engaged???
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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