i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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