Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
