I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
