ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
