apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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