I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
