White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
