Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
