I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
