I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
