Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she looked like the before picture.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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