I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
