I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have fence marks all over my body
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
