you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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