it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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