her vagine was all disorganized.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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