You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
