I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i dont even know how to be here
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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