Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
