90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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