so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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