OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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