were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
