Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
