saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Im just a social blackout drinker.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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