God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Too much gin, very little bucket
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
