Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
