It's Friday. Sex?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
