think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
