Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
