I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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