I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
