Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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