i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
