The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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