Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
