even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
COCAINE IS GR8
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
