i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
