I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
