I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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